okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need water and some morals
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
