I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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