The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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