Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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