And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
