She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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