is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
