Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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