I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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