So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
