His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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