I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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