Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
