Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
