its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
