I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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