how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
