when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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