ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
