false alarm. still invincible.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
