i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
