Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
