The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
