You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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