I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
