if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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