he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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