He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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