My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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