look no pants
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
