he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
