I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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