Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
