If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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