Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
