You made me cry and you don't even care
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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