Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
