The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
