that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
two words...techno handjob
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
