the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
