i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
