We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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