why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
