If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Shame is for Republicans.
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