The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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