I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
