You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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