im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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