Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
