its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
