My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
