Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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